[ it's as if her fear was right to be what it was. even if Uriel would have wished for it to be different, those whispering thoughts in the back of her mind: what if this death was inevitable? something that could not be stopped. even if it was to fight against fates, she would try. she's gone to such an extent for the sake of her loved ones. but...
she thinks briefly of Kim Dokja. "How do you save someone who does not wish to be saved?"
however, this is different. very, very different. Dokja, who still yearned for that happy ending with everyone else, despite trying to pay back for his sins, his debts that he claims. Chandra, however... even as her vision blurs over, blinking quickly, she tries to keep her gaze clear as she meets his own.
...he genuinely does not wish to be. there is nothing there to even hint differently otherwise. that's what hurts the most. a breath escapes her, her body held firm and tall, keeping herself steady- a steadiness that's so betrayed by the tremble in her hand. it feels like those brief moments of happiness are more fleeting than she thought. slipping through the space between her fingertips. it would be selfish to disregard his wishes. to fight against his words, the promise, to try and reach out to search for anything to try and change his mind. ... no. she knows she cannot. she likes him, loves him— if they had more time, more time for her to love him even more so, whatever they could potentially have had if they were truly stuck here for an indiscernible amount of time.
when she finally finds her voice again, it wavers with her emotions, but ]
I won't. [ both her hands grip onto his own, bringing his to rest against her cheek, as if it was an anchor for her words. ] I... I won't try.
[ ...maybe they would consider her a fool to expect anything different, or even to not expect it, a fool for having decided this was the one she showed her heart to but. her gaze grows half-lidded, not able to hold back her tears now as a few escape her, voice remaining steady as she speaks again. ]
I don't regret it. [ ... ] I don't regret.. this. Telling you how I feel. [ that, despite everything, that despite this very moment.. the truth of the matter is ] I really am glad to have met you, Chandra.
[ this is a zetsu note to say that i have had to stop typing up this tag multiple times because i was getting so absorbed/emotional, shoves my crying tissues off the table like an angry cat. 10/10 experience would do it again. ]
chandra lets her take his hand—lets her do what she wants, like he has so often. the closest thing to a kindness he could give her, when a part of him was always afraid to initiate anything more. it would've been kinder still to reject her as soon as she confessed her feelings, rather than lead her on in a relationship that couldn't last. still, chandra is selfish sometimes (all the time?), and he thought... well, he thought they might have more time than this.
enough time for her feelings to fade, maybe. at least enough time for them to grow complacent, for her to find other things to attach herself to, so that the hurt would be less.
but things never work out the way chandra wants them to, in the end.
...
closing his eyes for a moment, he kisses the back of her hand that holds his, before leaning back again.]
... You're an idiot.
[to the very end.
though for all that he wishes that he had simply vanished to begin with—it wasn't so bad, he thinks, to have met her.
dying via the collapse of the universe is, in a sense, an utterly impersonal way to go. (though it was always how he was going to disappear, one way or another; when a god can die for good only when their jurisdiction is destroyed, that's the same as saying their existence ends when they're no longer needed.) when it finally reached him, it was in a moment of respite from fighting a hopeless war, alone and tired. if he could have a choice in the matter, rather than in indifference, he'd like to go out either hated or loved.
... it's a surprise to find that it's the latter, after all.]
despite the ache, that twisting pain in her chest, it softens at the feel of that kiss. bubbles a small, almost watery laugh, from her chest at the words. because she does not expect anything different. it's exactly the kind of words she expected from him, despite the very gentle gesture to her hand.
she releases her hold on him. but it isn't for long, it never is, always drawn to his side like the soft warmth from a sun that keeps peeking in through the window. both her hands move to cup his face, guiding him closer to rest their foreheads together. pressing herself closer to him, holding him like the moment she lets go he will simply crumble away. disappear and vanish as is the fate of his universe back home.
and still, she holds him like he's something precious, and deep down he is. has become that way over time. every passing day, every quiet night shared with them both. and right now, rather than wishing for what the future could have been, she wants to focus on the present. she wants to focus on this moment. ...she'll worry about that time when it comes later. ]
Stay with me tonight?
[ as if she has not asked him countless times before.
as if it is not his company she has sought out, time and time again.
but, more than ever, she wants to cherish this time. wants to make a bit more memories with him until she is no longer able to. ]
he doesn't know if spending more time—now with this guillotine hanging over their heads—is a mercy or stabbing the wound further. but as always, all he can do is acquiesce.]
... All right.
[whether tonight is all they have left, or if things fail tomorrow and it turns out that they're stuck here for longer yet.
though he lets out a breathy laugh, mirthless.]
But I expect there are others who'll want to see you.
gingerly, her fingers brush some of his hair aside, her wings loosening from how tightly wound they were against her back. it really is a double-edged sword. if he says yes, it won't hurt any less, if he says no, it would likely hurt the same.
however, there's a lingering fear now to let him out of sight. as faint as it is. she chases it off with her thumbs brushing over his jawline, cheeks, still holding him closer. ]
My nights have always been yours. [ since that day. this is no different. and... there's always the hope she'll see the others again. but, with Chandra, if things don't fail by the time morning comes again— ]
[as her touch drifts over him, he closes his eyes again. there's still the occasional flicker of shadow that lingers in the air around them—albeit lesser than when uriel first found him—as though the manifestation of his emotions bleeding out.]
... Well, the afterlife has always been where beings, in death, can be granted a moment of selfish thinking.
[ the movement does catch her attention from time to time, causing a quiet curiosity, but she doesn't ask. instead, Uriel presses a light kiss near his eye now. her affections have always been fleeting, light, but now they linger. ]
[ Uriel nearly shakes her head at the thought. she settles on wrapping her arms around his middle, turning her head to rest it against his shoulder. trying not to overthink it as she looks to the whisps of shadows again. ]
No, you haven't.
[ maybe a little... though concerning what she's been asking personally, he hasn't. even if that wish is probably the one thing she'd wish to not be denied. but, a promise is a promise. ]
[ it is the Chandra she knows. she emits a breathy laugh, tilting his chin so she can give him a small kiss. ]
Mmm, should I? I suppose so. [ a little mischief, to chase away that bit of pain. ] Though, you're quite lucky yourself, to be loved by an archangel from Eden.
[ a familiar story hums in response, quiet, observing, remembering every moment to memory. a story that will become bittersweet. ]
[he lets her, and he'll kiss back, just as light.]
Haha... well, then I'll accept that honour as well.
[he hears that hum, and he thinks of what he and lavi—well-meaning, clueless lavi—talked about just earlier tonight.
i just think it's a shame, is all. that i won't see more of yours and everyone's stories.
not everything will have a satisfactory ending.
yeah, i know. ... it might not be happy, but i think it can still be satisfactory.
... i guess so. after all, that's up to everyone's individual idea of it.
this story isn't a happy one, and cannot be—the "end" chandra seeks for himself is different from uriel's. (and uriel might realize now, perhaps, why chandra asked the things he did.) all he can do now is try and give uriel some semblance of closure, so that this story at least won't be an unfinished one.]
[ she brushes his cheek again, her other hand drawing back to rest on his chest. giving but a single tap.
their moment together is so fleeting, so small, compared to the lifeline of a God, a deity, with their endless time. and she knows it isn't something that can be forgotten so easily but. at those last moments, she wants him to remember that right here, what she feels, is real. this fondness, affection, love she feels... is very real.
she chases after his light kiss with another, a small craving to indulge a bit more. she Will keep kissing him in the middle of Satan's house i guess. ]
[everything is fleeting—though in the end, if one were to look at the bigger picture, that can be said of anything in life. when eternity stretches on, rendering everything into dust, all you can do is try and find meaning in these moments. (even if it's not enough to sustain an existence with his inherent purpose ripped out of him.)
at this point, it might just be licking each other's wounds; placing a bandage over a wound that won't heal. but that's what everything amounts to, really, until beings like them find their end.
so yeah, they will just keep kissing in satan's house ig. sorry satan.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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she thinks briefly of Kim Dokja. "How do you save someone who does not wish to be saved?"
however, this is different. very, very different. Dokja, who still yearned for that happy ending with everyone else, despite trying to pay back for his sins, his debts that he claims. Chandra, however... even as her vision blurs over, blinking quickly, she tries to keep her gaze clear as she meets his own.
...he genuinely does not wish to be. there is nothing there to even hint differently otherwise. that's what hurts the most. a breath escapes her, her body held firm and tall, keeping herself steady- a steadiness that's so betrayed by the tremble in her hand. it feels like those brief moments of happiness are more fleeting than she thought. slipping through the space between her fingertips. it would be selfish to disregard his wishes. to fight against his words, the promise, to try and reach out to search for anything to try and change his mind. ... no. she knows she cannot. she likes him, loves him— if they had more time, more time for her to love him even more so, whatever they could potentially have had if they were truly stuck here for an indiscernible amount of time.
when she finally finds her voice again, it wavers with her emotions, but ]
I won't. [ both her hands grip onto his own, bringing his to rest against her cheek, as if it was an anchor for her words. ] I... I won't try.
[ ...maybe they would consider her a fool to expect anything different, or even to not expect it, a fool for having decided this was the one she showed her heart to but. her gaze grows half-lidded, not able to hold back her tears now as a few escape her, voice remaining steady as she speaks again. ]
I don't regret it. [ ... ] I don't regret.. this. Telling you how I feel. [ that, despite everything, that despite this very moment.. the truth of the matter is ] I really am glad to have met you, Chandra.
[ this is a zetsu note to say that i have had to stop typing up this tag multiple times because i was getting so absorbed/emotional, shoves my crying tissues off the table like an angry cat. 10/10 experience would do it again. ]
no subject
chandra lets her take his hand—lets her do what she wants, like he has so often. the closest thing to a kindness he could give her, when a part of him was always afraid to initiate anything more. it would've been kinder still to reject her as soon as she confessed her feelings, rather than lead her on in a relationship that couldn't last. still, chandra is selfish sometimes (all the time?), and he thought... well, he thought they might have more time than this.
enough time for her feelings to fade, maybe. at least enough time for them to grow complacent, for her to find other things to attach herself to, so that the hurt would be less.
but things never work out the way chandra wants them to, in the end.
...
closing his eyes for a moment, he kisses the back of her hand that holds his, before leaning back again.]
... You're an idiot.
[to the very end.
though for all that he wishes that he had simply vanished to begin with—it wasn't so bad, he thinks, to have met her.
dying via the collapse of the universe is, in a sense, an utterly impersonal way to go. (though it was always how he was going to disappear, one way or another; when a god can die for good only when their jurisdiction is destroyed, that's the same as saying their existence ends when they're no longer needed.) when it finally reached him, it was in a moment of respite from fighting a hopeless war, alone and tired. if he could have a choice in the matter, rather than in indifference, he'd like to go out either hated or loved.
... it's a surprise to find that it's the latter, after all.]
no subject
despite the ache, that twisting pain in her chest, it softens at the feel of that kiss. bubbles a small, almost watery laugh, from her chest at the words. because she does not expect anything different. it's exactly the kind of words she expected from him, despite the very gentle gesture to her hand.
she releases her hold on him. but it isn't for long, it never is, always drawn to his side like the soft warmth from a sun that keeps peeking in through the window. both her hands move to cup his face, guiding him closer to rest their foreheads together. pressing herself closer to him, holding him like the moment she lets go he will simply crumble away. disappear and vanish as is the fate of his universe back home.
and still, she holds him like he's something precious, and deep down he is. has become that way over time. every passing day, every quiet night shared with them both. and right now, rather than wishing for what the future could have been, she wants to focus on the present. she wants to focus on this moment. ...she'll worry about that time when it comes later. ]
Stay with me tonight?
[ as if she has not asked him countless times before.
as if it is not his company she has sought out, time and time again.
but, more than ever, she wants to cherish this time. wants to make a bit more memories with him until she is no longer able to. ]
no subject
he doesn't know if spending more time—now with this guillotine hanging over their heads—is a mercy or stabbing the wound further. but as always, all he can do is acquiesce.]
... All right.
[whether tonight is all they have left, or if things fail tomorrow and it turns out that they're stuck here for longer yet.
though he lets out a breathy laugh, mirthless.]
But I expect there are others who'll want to see you.
no subject
gingerly, her fingers brush some of his hair aside, her wings loosening from how tightly wound they were against her back. it really is a double-edged sword. if he says yes, it won't hurt any less, if he says no, it would likely hurt the same.
however, there's a lingering fear now to let him out of sight. as faint as it is. she chases it off with her thumbs brushing over his jawline, cheeks, still holding him closer. ]
My nights have always been yours. [ since that day. this is no different. and... there's always the hope she'll see the others again. but, with Chandra, if things don't fail by the time morning comes again— ]
And... I want to be a little selfish.
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... Well, the afterlife has always been where beings, in death, can be granted a moment of selfish thinking.
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Then it's fine, right? If I stay here with you.
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... I haven't denied you yet, have I?
[though perhaps that's cruel to say, knowing that he is in fact denying what she undoubtedly wishes she could ask for.]
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No, you haven't.
[ maybe a little... though concerning what she's been asking personally, he hasn't. even if that wish is probably the one thing she'd wish to not be denied. but, a promise is a promise. ]
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[in the end, all he can do to cope with the moment is return to his usual attitude.]
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Mmm, should I? I suppose so. [ a little mischief, to chase away that bit of pain. ] Though, you're quite lucky yourself, to be loved by an archangel from Eden.
[ a familiar story hums in response, quiet, observing, remembering every moment to memory. a story that will become bittersweet. ]
no subject
Haha... well, then I'll accept that honour as well.
[he hears that hum, and he thinks of what he and lavi—well-meaning, clueless lavi—talked about just earlier tonight.
i just think it's a shame, is all. that i won't see more of yours and everyone's stories.
not everything will have a satisfactory ending.
yeah, i know. ... it might not be happy, but i think it can still be satisfactory.
... i guess so. after all, that's up to everyone's individual idea of it.
this story isn't a happy one, and cannot be—the "end" chandra seeks for himself is different from uriel's. (and uriel might realize now, perhaps, why chandra asked the things he did.) all he can do now is try and give uriel some semblance of closure, so that this story at least won't be an unfinished one.]
no subject
[ she brushes his cheek again, her other hand drawing back to rest on his chest. giving but a single tap.
their moment together is so fleeting, so small, compared to the lifeline of a God, a deity, with their endless time. and she knows it isn't something that can be forgotten so easily but. at those last moments, she wants him to remember that right here, what she feels, is real. this fondness, affection, love she feels... is very real.
she chases after his light kiss with another, a small craving to indulge a bit more. she Will keep kissing him in the middle of Satan's house i guess. ]
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at this point, it might just be licking each other's wounds; placing a bandage over a wound that won't heal. but that's what everything amounts to, really, until beings like them find their end.
so yeah, they will just keep kissing in satan's house ig. sorry satan.]
no subject